Here I stand,
About to piss,
I see 6 toilets...
I think I missed.

Beware Limbo Dancers
(At bottom of cubicle door)

Beware Irish Limbo Dancer
((At top of cubicle door)

If you can reach this high you should be in the fire brigade.
(Above urinal)

Wet Paint.
This is not an instruction.
(Above urinal)

He who writes on bathroom walls
Rolls his shit in little balls
And he who reads these words of wit
Eats those little balls of shit

Please do not throw cigarette ends in the urinal.
– it makes them all soggy and hard to light.

Masturbation stunts the growth.
(Bottom of cubicle door) – now you tell me.

Thank God, a man at last!
(Underside of seat in Ladies)

Sociology degrees – please take one.
(Above toilet roll holder)

Here I sit, in the midst of vapor,
Some damned fool stole the paper!
And because I hate to linger...
Watchout asshole, here comes my finger!

If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here. Your asshole is in Washington.

The future of the nation is in your hands.

Doesn't anything or anybody work in this place?
– yes me, I put up the Out of Order signs.

If you sprinkle while you tinkle,
Be a sweetie, lift the seatie.

Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the performance.
Beware! Jacques Cousteau filming.

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.

What's a man with a 12-inch prick have for breakfast?
Well, this morning I had coffee...

I've got a 12-inch prick, but I don't use it as a rule.

How did I get a 12-inch prick?
By folding it in half.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% mortality rate.

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Your karma has run over my dogma.

To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra

At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.

This statement is false.

I never used to be able to finish anything, but now I

Make love, not war. - Hell, do both, get married

God is dead. - Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. - God

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.

TS Eliot is an anagram of toilets.

Before I discovered women, I though love was just a pain in the arse.

Women like the simple things in life – like men.

Why are men like lavatories?
They're either vacant, engaged, or full of crap.

Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.

Express Lane: Five beers or less
(Sign over one of the urinals.)

No wonder you always go home alone.
(Sign over mirror in Men's restroom.)

What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.

Here I sit, broken hearted.
Tried to shit, but only farted.